Proverbs 18:17-19 (ESV)
17 The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him.
18 The lot puts an end to quarrels
and decides between powerful contenders.
19 A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
The first person to tell her side of a story often appears to be right. Her explanation may sound convincing until someone else presents the missing facts. Solomon reminds us that genuine justice requires careful listening. Wise judges do not rush to conclusions but patiently hear both sides before rendering a verdict. The same wisdom applies to our everyday relationships. Before forming an opinion about a conflict, be slow to judge and quick to listen.
In Solomon’s day, there were times when even the wisest human judgment could not settle a dispute. In such cases, lots were cast to seek the Lord’s decision, trusting that he alone knew the truth. The casting of lots brought quarrels to an end because the people recognized that the final verdict belonged to God. Although believers today no longer cast lots to discern God’s will, we can rest in the confidence that the Lord still knows the truth. One day every hidden motive will be exposed, every false accusation answered, and every verdict made right.
Not every conflict, however, is easily resolved. Solomon says that “a brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city.” Few wounds run deeper than those between family members or close friends. Once trust has been broken, hurt can build walls that seem impossible to penetrate. What began as a single offense soon becomes a fortress that keeps both people apart.
Before deciding that someone has wronged you, slow down long enough to consider her point of view. And if an offense has already built walls between you and someone you love, do not keep reinforcing those barriers. Resist the temptation to replay old conversations or gather fresh evidence for your case. Instead, take the first humble step, even if the other person never does.
Christ did not wait for us to tear down the wall our sin had built between us and God. He came to us, bore the judgment we deserved, and made peace through his cross. Because we have received such undeserved mercy, we no longer have to insist on having the last word. We are now free to leave justice in God’s hands and love others with the same grace he has shown to us.